Newton's laws of s/w Engg

First Law: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.

Second Law: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as and when deadline force is applied.

Third Law: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.

Bonus Law: Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.

What job are you in ?

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a
dust cloud towards him

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses
and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you
exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me
a calf?'

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects
it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL
database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech
Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why
not?'

'You're an IT Consultant', says Bud.
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'

'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
knew,to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter
than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd
of sheep. . .

Now give me back my dog.

Think Outside of the Box

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.... :
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This is a moral / ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first:

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 application) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what.....

He simply answered :

" I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box"

Happiness

My daughter...

When God created my daughter, he took very special care
To find the precious treasures that would make her sweet and fair...

He gave her smiles of angels, then explored the midnight skies
And took a bit of stardust to make bright and twinkling eyes...

He fashioned her from sugar and a little bit of spice
He gave her sunny laughter and everything that is nice...

God smiled when he made daughters, because he knew he had
Created love and happiness for every mom and dad!

The woman in your life...

When you marry a working woman, you should marry with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;

Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your sister haven't,as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives nospecial concession to girls for their culinary achievements;

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost asmuch as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home,your family, your ways and even your family name;

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while yousleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen ;

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cookfood at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to;and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her;and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding,or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those,who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burnersto avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't,simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise;

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire lifea grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house -your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

How truely do guys understand and respect these facts?

You are...

One of the many email forwards that I received a while ago was this link to a Personality Analysis website. Inquisitive at first, I decided to see what kind of results it gave. It took me through this 10-15 min Q&A session that eventually ended with a detailed report of my personality type... more humorous to read if not anything else.

'You are an Attentive Realist' it said. :)

You are a Realist.

• Your attention to detail, appreciation of how things function, and awareness of the world around you make you a REALIST.
• Routines are reassuring to you - you feel safer and more at ease when sticking with familiar things.
• You like to stay close with those around you, seeking comfort from familiar faces.
• You are interested in processes - how things work, what they do, and why - not just how things look.
• Sometimes you doubt that you can find solutions to problems, although you have a good sense of why things happen, and can use that knowledge to find the best way to do something.
• You are down to earth, concerned more with practical, detail-oriented things than with dreamy or ambiguous ideas.
• You have a good sense of your abilities and weaknesses, and don't let your ego get in your way.
• You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.
• You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
• You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.
• You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.
• Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different

• Appreciate that your skill set can be useful in many ways; your attention to detail and your familiarity with the inner - workings of things are valuable assets.
• Try looking beyond the earthly qualities of things in order to expand your perspective, without losing your grounding in reality.

How you relate to others

You are Attentive - (Thank you for that :))

• Because you like spending time with others, understand their feelings, and often know what is best for them, you are ATTENTIVE.
• Some people are merely concerned about others, but you take action, helping people when you have the opportunity.
• Although you care about others, you are hesitant to trust them to act in the best way on their own.
• You don't let your concerns with people go unnoticed: if someone has hurt your feelings, that person will hear about it.
• People energize and excite you - you are able to have fun and be yourself when you're around others.
• You also learn a lot about yourself by talking things out with people, even if you don't always share things that are important to you.
• You have a strong sense of right and wrong, and you're not hesitant to express yourself.
  Understanding the dynamics of a situation is an important skill that you have, and you often intervene to clarify things for others.
• You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.
• You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
• You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.
• You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.
• Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different

• You care about people, but finding the ones you can truly trust will allow you to get closer to them.
• While you have strong opinions about what is right and wrong in the world, you risk coming across as judgmental - be sure to consider different perspectives when voicing your opinion.

Personality Chart

This chart shows thirteen personality traits. Each bar indicates the percentage of test takers who entered a lower value for that trait than you did. For example, if Confidence is at 80, that means that 80% of people entered lower values for confidence questions than you did. Based on a sample of 30,000 users.